Can I Take A Message?

Honey

Once upon a time, I had horrible allergies for about 9 months of the year and the remaining 3 months were spent in a pseudo-allergy state. You'd think I'd be spared in winter because everything is frozen and dead but no, my nose would seek out the struggling pollen/allergen and get a good whiff and make me sneeze up a storm.

If my nose couldn't find any, it just stored some so that it could make me sneeze at will. I think evolution could've done a better job on this one and found a different way to get rid of germs other than through rapidly expelling it through my nose.

Sometimes I'd be driving on the highway and BAM, I'd sneeze and be all over the road going at "65" mph (75 mph). It would come out of nowhere and I probably looked like some kind of drunk to the other drivers- all of whom mysteriously made way and made distance between me and them.

Then, at the age of 18, I was told of the wonderful side-effects of honey. Honey is made from bees getting nectar from flowers. When you eat enough local honey, your body builds an immunity to the pollen in the local flowers and your allergies would decrease significantly.

I was skeptical but when my parent's were willing to fork over the two or three dollars it costs to get honey, I was game. Every day I had a tablespoon of plain honey. I probably should have mixed it with tea but I wanted to just get it out of the way.

It was Winter when I was trying so I couldn't be sure of the effects. Now it is Spring. Now I get to watch everyone else suffer through the sneezing attacks while I am mucus-free for once in my life.

So, if you take any moral from this it is: eating sugar (in this case, in the form of honey) will always work out for you in the end.*

*Note: It may work out for you in gaining immunity to allergies, make coffee bearable(, get diabetes) and other things.

Clorox® Spray

I'm not sponsoring the product, this is a story about my day. [Note: If you work for Clorox® and would like to pay me anyway, I'll gladly accept]

Today, after classes, I went with my girlfriend to the Student Union Building at our school because they were having a carnival to promote recycling and Earth-Day related ideas [though Clorox® may not be sponsoring me, the Earth is - by letting me live on he/she/it]. 

At the carnival you could make the rounds and enjoy a bunch of free events to win raffle tickets. Typical carnival games were offered, but they revolved around the theme of recycling and they were purposefully made fairly easy to win. One game, for instance, was throwing used products into recycling bins from about ten feet away. 

The raffle tickets could be used to purchase food (ie Cup of Worms or popcorn) but they could also be used for, well a raffle. I won three tickets going through a few games and went and filled out my name on each and put two into a Clorox® Spray and one ticket into a raffle to win a bike. 

I didn't realize the bike was part of the raffle till I had already put two tickets into the Clorox® raffle box. I wanted that bike. It wasn't a great bike, it had only one gear and was otherwise fairly ordinary (handle-bars, two wheels, the works) but even so I wanted it because when I learned that my car only gets 6 miles to the gallon, I essentially stopped driving it and living a mile and a half from classes means a lot of walking (not always fun to do for an 8AM).

The bike was an out. If I won the bike I'd have a gas-free option of getting to classes that also meant I didn't have to walk the whole way (which takes at least twice as long as taking a bike). I suppose that was the whole point of having it there at the raffle, to remind people of the gas-free alternative to driving - but I didn't need the reminder, I already avoid using gas because I'm too cheap.

Anyway, back to the carnival, I made a few more rounds at the games and won another eight tickets, and once all filled out I submitted them into the bike raffle. 

My girlfriend knew that the bike raffle would be too popular so she didn't even bother with it and so put her tickets into a variety of other things that she never won either.

When it was seven o' clock the event was just about over and they were going to announce the results of the raffle. Opening with the smaller prizes, they decided it would be best to build up to the main prize, they began to announce winners.

My sister's won a goldfish at a fair and that's about the closest I've ever been to winning anything, so I didn't have high hopes or at the very least I pretended to myself not to.

The second prize announced was the Clorox® spray, the only thing that wasn't the bike that I had submitted tickets to win. The Clorox® spray was all natural and EPA approved and yada-yada-yada.

Then I hear her, the lady calling out the winner's names, announcing my name. Awkwardly, I make a huge loop over to towards the desk.

About half-way into my slow paced, overly arching route to the front desk she said I could just get the prize, I didn't have to go up to the table. I stood there stupidly for a moment as if trying to understand the abstract idea she had just presented me.

Slowly I made my way back to where I was standing and got the Clorox®. A few moments later my wits caught up with me and I anxiously awaited the announcement about who would win the bike.

Soon enough I find out that my luck's extent was winning me that Clorox®, but at least it was something.

Tonight, I had to walk back to my place. I usually don't walk back till it's dark and walking in the dark makes everything around me appear to be something that wants to viciously attack me.

I assume that anyone and anything that crosses my path is a potential threat - during the daylight everyone is the greatest person alive but at night, evil doesn't just lurk around every corner, but it's omnipresent (everywhere).

But tonight, I was armed. I had the Clorox® spray bottle in my hand, index finger on the trigger, just awaiting the attack that never strikes. Whenever any potential threat, be it a deer or a baby or one of my housemates walking toward me from a distance, I prepared myself. 

With my finger on the trigger, I used my other hand to turn the nozzle to "ON", ready to spray anything that leaps to attack me. Once I'm passed them (by 20 or more feet), I feel safe enough to turn the 'safety' on. I pull the trigger a few times to make sure it's on and I don't have a mis-fire and I carry on till the next potential threat crosses my path.

I took a new route today, so it was especially important to have my extra line of defense (the spray bottle). The route included more pedestrians, who eyed me wearily, either sizing me up for attack or wondering why I was arming myself with a Clorox® bottle and continually turning ON and OFF the nozzle.

In the end I made it back safe, no doubt due to the intimidating effects the eco-friendly Clorox spray had on those who ventured near me.