When I was five, I was hanging out with my friend. We were watching my favorite movie - The Land Before Time [or one of its many sequels]. I could watch this movie, enjoy it more than an old man finally finding true love, and then rewind it and re-watch it with equal enthusiasm. I probably watched the movie enough to have memorized it, if it weren't that I managed to instantly forget everything that happened while I was rewinding the tape.
Anyway, I was sitting there with my friend when my mom had to step out to run some errands. We weren't alone, my dad was still home in another room, tending to his own business (probably had enough of The Land Before Time - or maybe even movie watching in generally for at least a few days).
As I sat there, I felt compelled to go to the bathroom - not out of a necessity to utilize its facilities in the most common sense, but just to go there in general. Once in the bathroom, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I realized why the bathroom had beckoned me.
Something was wrong with my hair.
Of course, in reality, my hair probably looked fine, but I knew I had the capacity to make it look absolutely amazing - unearthly, Godly even. I decided my hair needed fine-tuning and I was exactly the perfect person to do it.
Having experience with the plastic scissors that can hardly cut paper, I figured I was as prepared as anyone could be for the job. The mirror, by which I saw my soon-to-be perfect hair, opened to reveal some small metal scissors which would have to do.
Scissors in hand, I grabbed a clump/fist-full of my bangs with my available hand and cut.
Snip. Snip. Snip.
When I was done and satisfied with the product of my work, I had removed my bangs, but nothing else. At this point I suppose I should describe what my hair looked like before, and what it looked like now.
Before: The epitome of a nerdy hairdo, I had my hair styled in the simplistic fashion that involves placing a bowl on my head and cutting the hair that escapes from the bottom. Essentially I had a sheath of hair, thick and all equal in size around the parameter of my head to let people know that I was a nerd who was too cheap to let professionals cut my hair.
After: Essentially the same hairdo, except without bangs and a lot more ridiculous.
I've made a correlation graph here:
As you can tell from the graph my hair was pretty ridiculous.
Anyway, I went back to watching the movie and my friend was none the wiser (probably too engrossed in the movie).
Albeit, when my mom got home, she did happen to take notice - somehow more observant than my five-year-old friend. We went to the SuperCuts right away to see if my hair could be salvaged but alas, I had to get rid of it all. Apparently they couldn't appreciate my creative skills with the scissors.
Soon I was a bald five year old who looked like he just went through radiation therapy to get rid of cancer.
My friend Joel, ever devoted to me in Kindergarten saw my hair the first day I came in and was in awe of my awesome Natalie Portman look and the following day came in bald himself!
For your viewing pleasure:
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