Waiters

Some waiters (and waitresses, but for the sake of this post I'll call them both waiters) should really be called "hoverers" and not because they possess the power to levitate - something much less cool.

I understand that to get a good tip, waiters need to be attentive and available, but some seem to believe that pretty much camping out at your table will mean an exponentially better tip, though you'd think experience would teach them otherwise.

Your sitting down at your booth, unless the place is filled and your forced to contend with the infinitely less comfortable chairs and regular tables, and your waiter comes around to see what you'd like to drink. Sometimes you're ready with an answer right then about what you want to drink, sometimes you need a little time (some people come into the restaurant already knowing what they want to order which is basically a way of giving yourself a cooty shot to prevent hoverers from being able to, well hover).

If you know what you want, you're pretty much immune to hoverers, but not necessarily. Sometimes the hoverers think they know a better option for you and will try to awkwardly pressure you into ordering their option instead.

If you don't know what you want, they'll really own up to their name and just stand there, breathing down your neck until you're forced to blurt out something just to get them away. Of course as they do finally leave you'll think of something you'd rather have but you don't want them back until you're ready with your food order.

When it gets down to choosing what food you want matters can get worse.

Often the hoverer won't care if you're ready to order. Proud at having memorized the specialties, which are probably also listed on a blackboard or something within plain view, the hoverer lists all the specialties the restaurant has, from soup of the day to their drinks. I'm sure if you let them, they'd list the dozens of items on their regular menu that you just went through.

The worst is when you want a suggestion from these hoverers because they either think everything is good and therefore requires long listings of menu items you probably could care less about or that the nastiest thing on the menu is what they personally highly recommend and if you don't pick it you're probably a baby torturer who would try to chock a unicorn with a rainbow.

If you don't get a pushy hovery waiter, you'll probably just have someone like that in your family/group of friends. "But you always get a burger" they'll insist. But you remember that not last time, or the time before, but 7 times ago you did get something else, maybe a grilled chicken or something and it was horrible. From then on you knew never to betray the delicious savoriness of a burger again.